The problem with me having a blog which I allow people to see, is that I then filter what I would normally write. But I don't want to be secretive with what's happening in my life here, so maybe it's time to open a little bit.
I'm scared. Very scared. I'm scared of what my future, both short-term and long-term, hold for me.
In terms of long-term future, I don't know what to do with my life, essentially. I know that I want to be a music journalist, particularly for Kerrang! magazine, but I just feel it's impossible. After attending a school that cares only if you turn and pass exams, and does nothing to encourage it's students in any way, I was hoping university would make me more hopeful. Instead, I think it's making me realize how I'll never be the best person for the job. I even went to the careers people and they told me what I want to do is too competitive and I don't have the right connections, so I should probably find something else to do. It was ridiculous and humiliating.
We keep having people come into our PDP (Personal Development Planning...) lecture and telling us to think about our futures now. And I keep coming across people in seminars, on facebook, in conversation who have it sorted. They've applied to such and such a placement, or submitted work to this publication or worked at that company. I have none of this. I struggle enough to find a part-time job, let alone a real graduate placement! My CV is as empty as a nun's liquor cabinet, and I'm not sure where to begin with it all. It's freaking me out. And I'm pretty sure I don't have any extra skills - unless the last few years of researching all I can about music counts?
In regards to my short-term future, that one is trickier. My quest for a part-time job is largely denied, or flat out ignored, and my money is running lower by the day. Perhaps more importantly - for everything in my life - I plan to go to the doctor's at Christmas to hopefully figure out what to do about some problems I've been having. Another thing that I'm very scared about.
I'm just a scaredy-cat these days it seems.
-A
I say that the people who succeed are the people who are determined to. Our lecture the other day told us about a woman she knew who had her novel rejected 62 times before it was published. careers folks are full of shit. they told me I wouldn't get onto a creative writing course without an english a-level. In fact when I told them I was dyslexic they said and I quote "a lot of people with mental difficulties enjoy repetitive tasks like self stacking"
ReplyDeleteAnd I reckon that those people who seem to have it sorted faking it anyway, they are just as terrified as the rest of us. the most important thing is to do something that makes you happy and fulfilled and the rest will work it self out. In the mean time remember that you are fabulous :)
much love. xxxxxx
Wanger for victory is what I say to you.
I think that this is one of the best pieces of advice that anyone has ever given me. Thank you very much Letty m'love.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hope to prove them wrong. Generally I try to focus on now and not worry myself too much about what happens later, but it doesn't help that they keep giving us incredibly depressing lectures about CVs and graduate jobs. Sure we need to start considering our options now, but do we really need a weekly reminder that there are almost no jobs for graduates right now? Talk about a depress-fest!
Maybe you should come in and give us all a lecture about how life is grand and how we'll all be fine. Because you are fabulous too dear Letty.
Wanger for victory? Sounds like my kind of X Factor!
xxxxxx
i know what you mean, we have them once a fortnight. i think having art as my second subject, as far as my art tutor is concerned i'm failing if i do get a real job.
ReplyDeletefor you ms. page, I'm free for unrealistic optimistic lectures any day of the week.
xxxxxx