Muppets

I think I am putting a lot of pressure on myself for this Christmas.

Firstly, I am hoping to correct a serious, possibly permanent problem in my life. I have mixed feelings about how things will go, I am unsure of what I want to happen in this department of my life.

Secondly, I have family drama to (hopefully) fix. I am just hoping that things will work out for the best and that we will all have a lovely Christmas time.

Thirdly, I have lost touch with almost all of my friends back home so I am not sure how this will play out whilst I am back. I might be lonely a lot.

Fourthly, my New Year’s Eve will be spent working back here in Bath at the good old Salamander pub. I’m hoping that they will pay me time and a half or something, but it might be unlikely. It isn’t like I had any plans about New Year’s so it’s fine, and better earning money than doing nothing. Still, the cost of my train tickets might cancel this out.

Fifthly(?), I have an essay to write. A 2,000 word essay for my Critical Reading 2 (core) module. It won’t be fun, but hopefully it won’t be torturous to write. 2,000 words isn’t too bad, right?

Really what I need to do is relax and to revaluate things and start fresh in 2011. That is my plan: to just figure out how to be better and how to be happier I suppose. Hopefully things will get easier, or at least more simple… I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

I head back home to the (sometimes) lovely Northampton town tomorrow, to spend time with my Dad, eat the world’s best Chinese food and watch The Muppet’s Christmas Carol in preparation for Jesus’ 38947384738478327498372943289th birthday. I hear he always gets wasted on Jaeger bombs and tequila shots. Dude is hardcore.

Love always my little kittens! Have fabulous Christmases and I will see you all for more fun and frolics in the new year.

Meow for now,

-A

DISCLAIMER: Sorry my blog is so depressing lately guys. So far it's been a serious depressfest, but this is probably the roughest time I've had in life and that inevitably shows itself in my complaints here. I'm 100% planning a life overhaul with the coming of this break and the new year, so hopefully things will pick up and my life will become more exciting and fun and happy. I know no-one wants to read me moaning on all the time.

The merits of having a job

One of the best things about having a job: I get paid. In money. Actual money. Weekly. How brilliant is that? Well, it would be super awesome except that it’s December and therefore I have a million birthdays and Christmas presents to buy. But still it’s definitely nice to get your first ever pay slip/wages.

In other news, I have actually managed to finish my Gothic essay so I can relax and actually enjoy my weekend! Genius.

I almost feel as productive as this guy. Except not really because this is amazing:

-A

I am a stressed bear

It has not been the most fun couple of weeks lately. It feels like every stress possible is coming out of the woodwork of my life right now. I know that's not actually the case, but that's how it feels. Everything from my imploding family life, to stressful university assignments, to money troubles, to appearance woes and to a busy reading schedule - I'm feeling overwhelmed.

It is times like this I wish I could pause everything and just scamper off to somewhere lovely for a week to relax. But of course, I wouldn't be able to relax knowing that I would be coming back to a heavy brain overload, but it's the idea that counts.

Also, I have all of my Christmas shopping yet to do. Damn.

However, I'm going to try and see the positives (something I don't do often enough in my life):

• Work is going really well I think. I'm still making silly mistakes but I've gotten a lot of it down quickly I think and everyone has been very nice. Who knew pulling pints could be therapeutic?
• I just spelt therapeutic correctly the first time - yes!
• I have bought myself an advent calender, therefore I am ready for Christmas in some small way.
• I'm still discovering music I love - always a bonus in my life.
• I have very lovely friends here.
• Being single has never been such a blessing - I could not deal with freaking out over a guy on top of all this stuff as well.

Love always kittens,
-A

Goths don't panic

One of the modules I study for my English Literature degree is beginning to get me down. It's about Gothic literature, but it's not the content that's making me depressed.

I have a 2,500 word essay due in on December 15th for this module, that counts for 50% of my overall grade. That's terrifying in of itself. Let alone the fact that all of the questions are near impossible to even attempt. I just feel like I'm guaranteed to fail. It's not a nice feeling and I'll be honest, I'm starting to panic about it. At least I still have time to figure it out, but a couple of weeks doesn't seem long enough somehow.

It's also been just quite a crappy day. I've been feeling down all day. For no particular reason, it's just been one of those days. I also had some quite severe drama with my Mum which is has ended horribly. It's not been good.

On a more positive note, I have my 3rd shift at the Salamander tomorrow. I'm still feeling a little anxious about things, but I'm much more confident about it now. Hopefully it will be a good day, I won't mess up and I'll have some good banter and fun. And some tips would be nice too. But we'll see, here's hoping.

-A

Goodbye job woes?

I have always felt a bit ridiculous for being 20 years old and never having a job before. I've been on the receiving end of many comments about being spoilt, or expecting Daddy to pay for everything, or my supposed lack of motivation. Despite what some people have said, I have tried and tried to get myself a job. This job-hunting became even more desperate when I realized I do not have enough student loan to live off. I've handed out dozens of CVs and handed in applications, and heard nothing back from anywhere. It's incredibly disheartening.

But last weekend I went into town, more determined than ever to find myself a job, and began handing out CVs again. In a nice stroke of luck, I went into a pub in the city centre called The Salamander and asked if they had any jobs available. I spoke to the manager Rachel, who told me that at the moment they only had pot-wash jobs available, but if I gave it a go I could be working behind the bar towards Christmas time. Considering myself lucky to have any opportunities at all, I was set to have a trial shift in the kitchen this Saturday at 12-6.

Then on Thursday I got a text from Rachel saying that a job behind the bar had come up if I wanted to have a trial shift. So instead of working as a pot-wash in the kitchen on Saturday, I did a 12-6 shift on the bar.

I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. I almost felt like it was more nerve-racking because I'd never worked before, as if being older meant that I should know more than I do. But I turned up on Saturday and met the assistant manager James, who was lovely and made sure I felt secure in what I was doing. Despite my worries, I wasn't left to man the bar on my own or to figure it out by myself - everyone was really nice and helpful, and I felt so welcomed. Even as Shaun. Long story.

It was only a trial shift but by the end of the day I found out that they'd like me to come back, and I've got another 12-6 shift on Thursday and again on Saturday! And on Saturday they'll be sorting out all my details so I can get paid and figure out a proper rota for me! I'm so happy about this, I can't even tell you. I just hope I don't mess it up, but I'm trying to think all positively about this. I'm so happy.

In short: I have a job! Me! Alex! The girl who no-one would hire! Yay!

-A

Poor little poor girl

So I am having some serious money troubles right now. I really don’t want to have to leave university, but that might be one of my only options next term since I have zero money. Especially since no-one will give me a job. And I won’t lie it’s seriously getting me down.

I have handed out dozens of CVs, several job applications and visited my university’s job shop and have heard absolutely nothing back. Now I’m not the world’s most confident person to begin with, so I find it difficult to do the whole job-hunting thing. It’s hard for me to put on the big cheesy grin and act all positive while people are judging me for my lack of job experience. It’s humiliating when people in shops ask me if I have any retail experience and I have to reply that I don’t.

I hate having to turn to my Dad every time I run out of money but the stupid people at Student Finance won’t give me enough money to live on. So from now until January (and probably again after then) I can’t afford to spend a penny on anything other than rent and bills. Not even food, I can’t even afford to eat. How ridiculous is that? On the bright side, I did want to go on a diet I suppose…

With overdraft and a little help from my family I can just about make rent until January, but the problem is the knock on effect. So next term I might be completely skint, hence possibly having to leave university after Christmas. I guess I’ll have to sort something out over Christmas break, and obviously I’ll keep looking for a job, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to figure it out before things get too desperate.

So I am now officially a pauper.

-A

Fireworks 2010

For me, the fireworks were lovely but I haven't felt that lonely in a long time. Both emotionally and physically, and for many reasons. All of which I won't get into here because I don't really want to relive it right now. On a more positive note, it made me realize how much I love my phone because I got some really nice photos, which I include for you here.






I hope for better times next year.

-A

Quickies? Erm...

I'll be honest, my CV is pretty much empty as far as student CV's go. I haven't had a job before, I haven't had a placement or an internship... I'm not exactly struggling to fit it onto one page. So one of the things I thought might help would be to volunteer!

Bath Spa University has a pretty good volunteering scheme called Just V, and they have a range of volunteering opportunities. Including what they call 'Quickies', or as I would call it, one day volunteering. You can just register to volunteer one day at a time to do various tasks. And today was my first one!

So today me, Allie and Becky headed to Bath City Farm where we (and the other volunteers) spent the day painting the building, building a bonfire and looking after the animals. To be fair Allie, Becky and I spent most of the day painting instead of mucking out the animals, but hey we still did hard labour. It was actually pretty fun, the people were all really nice and we got a lot done. They give you lunch, snacks and free t-shirt, so it's not a bad deal. Although I did completely ruin my t-shirt with paint, and also my used-to-be-favourite-but-then-they-got-a-hole-in-them jeans. Plus I was knackered when we got back, but hey ho! No sleep for the charitable.

And the beauty of it is that it's something I can put on my CV. Yes!

-A

Kiss Me, You Animal

(This is just me flexing my Music Reviewing muscle, don't feel that you have to pay it any mind.)

My Chemical Romance return after four-year musical break

It’s been a while since we’ve seen My Chemical Romance in action. Since wrapping up the final tour in support of their platinum selling 2006 concept album The Black Parade, the band have been out of the spotlight for a while.

After a break that has seen the band write two albums worth of material which they later scrapped, lose a band member (drummer Bob Bryar), almost break-up, and in which front-man Gerard Way gained a daughter, the band have returned with Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys.

Having posted a makeshift album trailer on their YouTube channel to excite the interest of fans and critics alike, the band fully announced its change in direction with the album’s first single “Na Na Na”.

If people had forgotten about the band, this song is the slap in the face they needed to wake up their fans and followers. With a title like “Na Na Na”, you can bet that the song is catchy as hell, and from start to finish this song packs a punch.

The lyrics are sharp, direct and filled with the kind of rallying social commentary that My Chemical Romance has become known for with previous singles like “Teenagers” and “I’m Not OK”. The bridge is dramatic, the solo is gloriously in your face, and when the song is finished you’ll feel like you’ve listened to an action movie, a protest and a cartoon all in three and a half minutes. A result that the band almost seem to be aiming for.

It’s fast, it’s fun, it’s new and it’s interesting. It seems that if anyone expects The Black Parade 2.0 with this upcoming album, you’re barking up the wrong tree. As the title suggests, this album is going to be about fun, adventure and music. And I can’t wait to go along for the ride.

Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys is out worldwide on November 22. Check out the bands YouTube channel for the “Na Na Na” music video and “Art Is The Weapon” album trailer.

-A

PS - If anyone is interested, I'm reviving my music blog on tumblr - http://theneverendingplaylist.tumblr.com

Future Sailor

The problem with me having a blog which I allow people to see, is that I then filter what I would normally write. But I don't want to be secretive with what's happening in my life here, so maybe it's time to open a little bit.

I'm scared. Very scared. I'm scared of what my future, both short-term and long-term, hold for me.

In terms of long-term future, I don't know what to do with my life, essentially. I know that I want to be a music journalist, particularly for Kerrang! magazine, but I just feel it's impossible. After attending a school that cares only if you turn and pass exams, and does nothing to encourage it's students in any way, I was hoping university would make me more hopeful. Instead, I think it's making me realize how I'll never be the best person for the job. I even went to the careers people and they told me what I want to do is too competitive and I don't have the right connections, so I should probably find something else to do. It was ridiculous and humiliating.

We keep having people come into our PDP (Personal Development Planning...) lecture and telling us to think about our futures now. And I keep coming across people in seminars, on facebook, in conversation who have it sorted. They've applied to such and such a placement, or submitted work to this publication or worked at that company. I have none of this. I struggle enough to find a part-time job, let alone a real graduate placement! My CV is as empty as a nun's liquor cabinet, and I'm not sure where to begin with it all. It's freaking me out. And I'm pretty sure I don't have any extra skills - unless the last few years of researching all I can about music counts?

In regards to my short-term future, that one is trickier. My quest for a part-time job is largely denied, or flat out ignored, and my money is running lower by the day. Perhaps more importantly - for everything in my life - I plan to go to the doctor's at Christmas to hopefully figure out what to do about some problems I've been having. Another thing that I'm very scared about.

I'm just a scaredy-cat these days it seems.

-A

Halloween '10

Halloween is coming and it's one of my favourite holidays for several reasons.

Firstly, it's always fun - dressing up, sweets and partying with friends? Sounds like fun to me. Secondly, there doesn't have to be any other connotations to it. You don't have to see it as religious, or sacrilegious, you can simply see it as a silly holiday which gives you cause to dress up with your friends. Thirdly, it's great for all ages. You can trick or treat with your siblings/friends when you're a kid, you can go to a proper Halloween party with your friends when you're older, or you can have a horror film fest with lots of sweets and popcorn if you're not in mood for either of those. And since there's no age limit with Halloween, I still get as excited about it now as I did as kid!

But this year, I fear my Halloween night will go uncelebrated. No-one really seems to want to do anything and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't gutted. How will I get to wear my devil horns if I have no means of celebrating? I think I'll have to watch The Crow in my room with them on. Sad and lonely - but by Jove I have to do something.

Also, it's the Day of the Dead on November 2nd, and I think that holiday is kind of really cool. It's quite a beautiful, if not slightly morbid, celebration where people celebrate the lives of the loved ones they've lost by building shrines to them and celebrating with their families and friends. They make skulls of sugar which they paint with bright colourful patterns, make amazing food for them to eat, and light candles for the ones they've lost. It seems like a nice idea to me, and if I was Mexican I would definitely try and take part, but I think it's disrespectful to encroach on a particular culture's traditions for the sake of it being "cool". But I think it's nice way to deal with death and loss.

Anyway, after that tangent, I'm off to scour Facebook for Halloween related events, and friends to maybe go with me. Wish me luck, blogsters.

-A

Shopper's justification

Despite having almost no money and anticipating a heavy dip into my overdraft in the coming months, and despite getting so stressed out about money that I've literally gotten upset enough to cry, and despite the fact that I'm struggling to get a job...

I spent quite a bit of money in the Topshop sale yesterday. No, I've not developed a shopping addiction or gone mad with greed - I simply treated myself with my leftover birthday money. There are two things you might need to know beforehand in order to explain my shopping justification:

1. I didn't get a lot in the way of presents this year for my birthday, and I've been hanging on to the money my Mum gave me as a present with the idea in mind that I might buy something substantial when I figure out what I want. But usually what happens with that plan, is that I end up putting it in my bank account and using it as I would any money - spending it on food shopping, train tickets or rent. Nothing too exciting or birthday-like.

2. I have come to dislike almost all of my clothes and feel like I have no style at all. I tend to stick to scruffy t-shirts and worn jeans - not a particularly fashionable look! So I've been planning on buying some more statement items, some pieces to make my wardrobe seem at least a little fashion conscious.

So when I got an email from Topshop informing me of the sale that had just started on their website, I couldn't help but take a look. And to my absolute glee at the moment I found that many of the items I'd been eyeing up for a while where half price or even cheaper. I ended up buying a floral crop top (down from £20 to £10), some fabulous taupe biker trousers (£40 to £20), a gorgeous jade green lace top (£35 to £18) and a print tunic top (£35 to £15) - and I think, for Topshop, those are some absolute bargains!

Whilst I did experience some sharp pangs of shopper's remorse, I simply told myself that I was allowed to treat myself with money that has been put aside for that specific purpose, and carried on my merry way. Besides, better it be sale items than splurging on full price. Although it has made me wary of sales now, as I did only intend to take a quick peek and ended up buying almost £70 worth of clothes...

So after my Topshop online shopping free, I went to town today and spent even more money. Oops? Sort of.

I bought myself a nice winter coat from New Look, where they have 20% of all coats at the moment, and some black skinny jeans, which I have been after for months now. And of course, 10% student discount.

And then we went to Topshop and they had the sale on in-store. Now I have had a £26.80 to spend in-store with a voucher left over from my birthday, so I ended up buying some £20 trousers, £2.50 earrings and £5 earrings with the voucher. Now I'm not ridiculous at maths, I know that that comes to more than I had on the voucher, but student discount took it down to my price range. And yes, Topshop let's you get student discount on sale items - genius!

So whilst it seems like I have bought loads these last couple of days, technically it's all been allowed. I even rang my Dad when I was in New Look to ask whether he minded he spending my money this way, ha! Score!

-A