I am a stressed bear

It has not been the most fun couple of weeks lately. It feels like every stress possible is coming out of the woodwork of my life right now. I know that's not actually the case, but that's how it feels. Everything from my imploding family life, to stressful university assignments, to money troubles, to appearance woes and to a busy reading schedule - I'm feeling overwhelmed.

It is times like this I wish I could pause everything and just scamper off to somewhere lovely for a week to relax. But of course, I wouldn't be able to relax knowing that I would be coming back to a heavy brain overload, but it's the idea that counts.

Also, I have all of my Christmas shopping yet to do. Damn.

However, I'm going to try and see the positives (something I don't do often enough in my life):

• Work is going really well I think. I'm still making silly mistakes but I've gotten a lot of it down quickly I think and everyone has been very nice. Who knew pulling pints could be therapeutic?
• I just spelt therapeutic correctly the first time - yes!
• I have bought myself an advent calender, therefore I am ready for Christmas in some small way.
• I'm still discovering music I love - always a bonus in my life.
• I have very lovely friends here.
• Being single has never been such a blessing - I could not deal with freaking out over a guy on top of all this stuff as well.

Love always kittens,
-A

Goths don't panic

One of the modules I study for my English Literature degree is beginning to get me down. It's about Gothic literature, but it's not the content that's making me depressed.

I have a 2,500 word essay due in on December 15th for this module, that counts for 50% of my overall grade. That's terrifying in of itself. Let alone the fact that all of the questions are near impossible to even attempt. I just feel like I'm guaranteed to fail. It's not a nice feeling and I'll be honest, I'm starting to panic about it. At least I still have time to figure it out, but a couple of weeks doesn't seem long enough somehow.

It's also been just quite a crappy day. I've been feeling down all day. For no particular reason, it's just been one of those days. I also had some quite severe drama with my Mum which is has ended horribly. It's not been good.

On a more positive note, I have my 3rd shift at the Salamander tomorrow. I'm still feeling a little anxious about things, but I'm much more confident about it now. Hopefully it will be a good day, I won't mess up and I'll have some good banter and fun. And some tips would be nice too. But we'll see, here's hoping.

-A

Goodbye job woes?

I have always felt a bit ridiculous for being 20 years old and never having a job before. I've been on the receiving end of many comments about being spoilt, or expecting Daddy to pay for everything, or my supposed lack of motivation. Despite what some people have said, I have tried and tried to get myself a job. This job-hunting became even more desperate when I realized I do not have enough student loan to live off. I've handed out dozens of CVs and handed in applications, and heard nothing back from anywhere. It's incredibly disheartening.

But last weekend I went into town, more determined than ever to find myself a job, and began handing out CVs again. In a nice stroke of luck, I went into a pub in the city centre called The Salamander and asked if they had any jobs available. I spoke to the manager Rachel, who told me that at the moment they only had pot-wash jobs available, but if I gave it a go I could be working behind the bar towards Christmas time. Considering myself lucky to have any opportunities at all, I was set to have a trial shift in the kitchen this Saturday at 12-6.

Then on Thursday I got a text from Rachel saying that a job behind the bar had come up if I wanted to have a trial shift. So instead of working as a pot-wash in the kitchen on Saturday, I did a 12-6 shift on the bar.

I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. I almost felt like it was more nerve-racking because I'd never worked before, as if being older meant that I should know more than I do. But I turned up on Saturday and met the assistant manager James, who was lovely and made sure I felt secure in what I was doing. Despite my worries, I wasn't left to man the bar on my own or to figure it out by myself - everyone was really nice and helpful, and I felt so welcomed. Even as Shaun. Long story.

It was only a trial shift but by the end of the day I found out that they'd like me to come back, and I've got another 12-6 shift on Thursday and again on Saturday! And on Saturday they'll be sorting out all my details so I can get paid and figure out a proper rota for me! I'm so happy about this, I can't even tell you. I just hope I don't mess it up, but I'm trying to think all positively about this. I'm so happy.

In short: I have a job! Me! Alex! The girl who no-one would hire! Yay!

-A

Poor little poor girl

So I am having some serious money troubles right now. I really don’t want to have to leave university, but that might be one of my only options next term since I have zero money. Especially since no-one will give me a job. And I won’t lie it’s seriously getting me down.

I have handed out dozens of CVs, several job applications and visited my university’s job shop and have heard absolutely nothing back. Now I’m not the world’s most confident person to begin with, so I find it difficult to do the whole job-hunting thing. It’s hard for me to put on the big cheesy grin and act all positive while people are judging me for my lack of job experience. It’s humiliating when people in shops ask me if I have any retail experience and I have to reply that I don’t.

I hate having to turn to my Dad every time I run out of money but the stupid people at Student Finance won’t give me enough money to live on. So from now until January (and probably again after then) I can’t afford to spend a penny on anything other than rent and bills. Not even food, I can’t even afford to eat. How ridiculous is that? On the bright side, I did want to go on a diet I suppose…

With overdraft and a little help from my family I can just about make rent until January, but the problem is the knock on effect. So next term I might be completely skint, hence possibly having to leave university after Christmas. I guess I’ll have to sort something out over Christmas break, and obviously I’ll keep looking for a job, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to figure it out before things get too desperate.

So I am now officially a pauper.

-A

Fireworks 2010

For me, the fireworks were lovely but I haven't felt that lonely in a long time. Both emotionally and physically, and for many reasons. All of which I won't get into here because I don't really want to relive it right now. On a more positive note, it made me realize how much I love my phone because I got some really nice photos, which I include for you here.






I hope for better times next year.

-A

Quickies? Erm...

I'll be honest, my CV is pretty much empty as far as student CV's go. I haven't had a job before, I haven't had a placement or an internship... I'm not exactly struggling to fit it onto one page. So one of the things I thought might help would be to volunteer!

Bath Spa University has a pretty good volunteering scheme called Just V, and they have a range of volunteering opportunities. Including what they call 'Quickies', or as I would call it, one day volunteering. You can just register to volunteer one day at a time to do various tasks. And today was my first one!

So today me, Allie and Becky headed to Bath City Farm where we (and the other volunteers) spent the day painting the building, building a bonfire and looking after the animals. To be fair Allie, Becky and I spent most of the day painting instead of mucking out the animals, but hey we still did hard labour. It was actually pretty fun, the people were all really nice and we got a lot done. They give you lunch, snacks and free t-shirt, so it's not a bad deal. Although I did completely ruin my t-shirt with paint, and also my used-to-be-favourite-but-then-they-got-a-hole-in-them jeans. Plus I was knackered when we got back, but hey ho! No sleep for the charitable.

And the beauty of it is that it's something I can put on my CV. Yes!

-A

Kiss Me, You Animal

(This is just me flexing my Music Reviewing muscle, don't feel that you have to pay it any mind.)

My Chemical Romance return after four-year musical break

It’s been a while since we’ve seen My Chemical Romance in action. Since wrapping up the final tour in support of their platinum selling 2006 concept album The Black Parade, the band have been out of the spotlight for a while.

After a break that has seen the band write two albums worth of material which they later scrapped, lose a band member (drummer Bob Bryar), almost break-up, and in which front-man Gerard Way gained a daughter, the band have returned with Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys.

Having posted a makeshift album trailer on their YouTube channel to excite the interest of fans and critics alike, the band fully announced its change in direction with the album’s first single “Na Na Na”.

If people had forgotten about the band, this song is the slap in the face they needed to wake up their fans and followers. With a title like “Na Na Na”, you can bet that the song is catchy as hell, and from start to finish this song packs a punch.

The lyrics are sharp, direct and filled with the kind of rallying social commentary that My Chemical Romance has become known for with previous singles like “Teenagers” and “I’m Not OK”. The bridge is dramatic, the solo is gloriously in your face, and when the song is finished you’ll feel like you’ve listened to an action movie, a protest and a cartoon all in three and a half minutes. A result that the band almost seem to be aiming for.

It’s fast, it’s fun, it’s new and it’s interesting. It seems that if anyone expects The Black Parade 2.0 with this upcoming album, you’re barking up the wrong tree. As the title suggests, this album is going to be about fun, adventure and music. And I can’t wait to go along for the ride.

Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys is out worldwide on November 22. Check out the bands YouTube channel for the “Na Na Na” music video and “Art Is The Weapon” album trailer.

-A

PS - If anyone is interested, I'm reviving my music blog on tumblr - http://theneverendingplaylist.tumblr.com

Future Sailor

The problem with me having a blog which I allow people to see, is that I then filter what I would normally write. But I don't want to be secretive with what's happening in my life here, so maybe it's time to open a little bit.

I'm scared. Very scared. I'm scared of what my future, both short-term and long-term, hold for me.

In terms of long-term future, I don't know what to do with my life, essentially. I know that I want to be a music journalist, particularly for Kerrang! magazine, but I just feel it's impossible. After attending a school that cares only if you turn and pass exams, and does nothing to encourage it's students in any way, I was hoping university would make me more hopeful. Instead, I think it's making me realize how I'll never be the best person for the job. I even went to the careers people and they told me what I want to do is too competitive and I don't have the right connections, so I should probably find something else to do. It was ridiculous and humiliating.

We keep having people come into our PDP (Personal Development Planning...) lecture and telling us to think about our futures now. And I keep coming across people in seminars, on facebook, in conversation who have it sorted. They've applied to such and such a placement, or submitted work to this publication or worked at that company. I have none of this. I struggle enough to find a part-time job, let alone a real graduate placement! My CV is as empty as a nun's liquor cabinet, and I'm not sure where to begin with it all. It's freaking me out. And I'm pretty sure I don't have any extra skills - unless the last few years of researching all I can about music counts?

In regards to my short-term future, that one is trickier. My quest for a part-time job is largely denied, or flat out ignored, and my money is running lower by the day. Perhaps more importantly - for everything in my life - I plan to go to the doctor's at Christmas to hopefully figure out what to do about some problems I've been having. Another thing that I'm very scared about.

I'm just a scaredy-cat these days it seems.

-A