Muppets

I think I am putting a lot of pressure on myself for this Christmas.

Firstly, I am hoping to correct a serious, possibly permanent problem in my life. I have mixed feelings about how things will go, I am unsure of what I want to happen in this department of my life.

Secondly, I have family drama to (hopefully) fix. I am just hoping that things will work out for the best and that we will all have a lovely Christmas time.

Thirdly, I have lost touch with almost all of my friends back home so I am not sure how this will play out whilst I am back. I might be lonely a lot.

Fourthly, my New Year’s Eve will be spent working back here in Bath at the good old Salamander pub. I’m hoping that they will pay me time and a half or something, but it might be unlikely. It isn’t like I had any plans about New Year’s so it’s fine, and better earning money than doing nothing. Still, the cost of my train tickets might cancel this out.

Fifthly(?), I have an essay to write. A 2,000 word essay for my Critical Reading 2 (core) module. It won’t be fun, but hopefully it won’t be torturous to write. 2,000 words isn’t too bad, right?

Really what I need to do is relax and to revaluate things and start fresh in 2011. That is my plan: to just figure out how to be better and how to be happier I suppose. Hopefully things will get easier, or at least more simple… I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

I head back home to the (sometimes) lovely Northampton town tomorrow, to spend time with my Dad, eat the world’s best Chinese food and watch The Muppet’s Christmas Carol in preparation for Jesus’ 38947384738478327498372943289th birthday. I hear he always gets wasted on Jaeger bombs and tequila shots. Dude is hardcore.

Love always my little kittens! Have fabulous Christmases and I will see you all for more fun and frolics in the new year.

Meow for now,

-A

DISCLAIMER: Sorry my blog is so depressing lately guys. So far it's been a serious depressfest, but this is probably the roughest time I've had in life and that inevitably shows itself in my complaints here. I'm 100% planning a life overhaul with the coming of this break and the new year, so hopefully things will pick up and my life will become more exciting and fun and happy. I know no-one wants to read me moaning on all the time.

The merits of having a job

One of the best things about having a job: I get paid. In money. Actual money. Weekly. How brilliant is that? Well, it would be super awesome except that it’s December and therefore I have a million birthdays and Christmas presents to buy. But still it’s definitely nice to get your first ever pay slip/wages.

In other news, I have actually managed to finish my Gothic essay so I can relax and actually enjoy my weekend! Genius.

I almost feel as productive as this guy. Except not really because this is amazing:

-A

I am a stressed bear

It has not been the most fun couple of weeks lately. It feels like every stress possible is coming out of the woodwork of my life right now. I know that's not actually the case, but that's how it feels. Everything from my imploding family life, to stressful university assignments, to money troubles, to appearance woes and to a busy reading schedule - I'm feeling overwhelmed.

It is times like this I wish I could pause everything and just scamper off to somewhere lovely for a week to relax. But of course, I wouldn't be able to relax knowing that I would be coming back to a heavy brain overload, but it's the idea that counts.

Also, I have all of my Christmas shopping yet to do. Damn.

However, I'm going to try and see the positives (something I don't do often enough in my life):

• Work is going really well I think. I'm still making silly mistakes but I've gotten a lot of it down quickly I think and everyone has been very nice. Who knew pulling pints could be therapeutic?
• I just spelt therapeutic correctly the first time - yes!
• I have bought myself an advent calender, therefore I am ready for Christmas in some small way.
• I'm still discovering music I love - always a bonus in my life.
• I have very lovely friends here.
• Being single has never been such a blessing - I could not deal with freaking out over a guy on top of all this stuff as well.

Love always kittens,
-A

Goths don't panic

One of the modules I study for my English Literature degree is beginning to get me down. It's about Gothic literature, but it's not the content that's making me depressed.

I have a 2,500 word essay due in on December 15th for this module, that counts for 50% of my overall grade. That's terrifying in of itself. Let alone the fact that all of the questions are near impossible to even attempt. I just feel like I'm guaranteed to fail. It's not a nice feeling and I'll be honest, I'm starting to panic about it. At least I still have time to figure it out, but a couple of weeks doesn't seem long enough somehow.

It's also been just quite a crappy day. I've been feeling down all day. For no particular reason, it's just been one of those days. I also had some quite severe drama with my Mum which is has ended horribly. It's not been good.

On a more positive note, I have my 3rd shift at the Salamander tomorrow. I'm still feeling a little anxious about things, but I'm much more confident about it now. Hopefully it will be a good day, I won't mess up and I'll have some good banter and fun. And some tips would be nice too. But we'll see, here's hoping.

-A

Goodbye job woes?

I have always felt a bit ridiculous for being 20 years old and never having a job before. I've been on the receiving end of many comments about being spoilt, or expecting Daddy to pay for everything, or my supposed lack of motivation. Despite what some people have said, I have tried and tried to get myself a job. This job-hunting became even more desperate when I realized I do not have enough student loan to live off. I've handed out dozens of CVs and handed in applications, and heard nothing back from anywhere. It's incredibly disheartening.

But last weekend I went into town, more determined than ever to find myself a job, and began handing out CVs again. In a nice stroke of luck, I went into a pub in the city centre called The Salamander and asked if they had any jobs available. I spoke to the manager Rachel, who told me that at the moment they only had pot-wash jobs available, but if I gave it a go I could be working behind the bar towards Christmas time. Considering myself lucky to have any opportunities at all, I was set to have a trial shift in the kitchen this Saturday at 12-6.

Then on Thursday I got a text from Rachel saying that a job behind the bar had come up if I wanted to have a trial shift. So instead of working as a pot-wash in the kitchen on Saturday, I did a 12-6 shift on the bar.

I'm not going to lie, I was terrified. I almost felt like it was more nerve-racking because I'd never worked before, as if being older meant that I should know more than I do. But I turned up on Saturday and met the assistant manager James, who was lovely and made sure I felt secure in what I was doing. Despite my worries, I wasn't left to man the bar on my own or to figure it out by myself - everyone was really nice and helpful, and I felt so welcomed. Even as Shaun. Long story.

It was only a trial shift but by the end of the day I found out that they'd like me to come back, and I've got another 12-6 shift on Thursday and again on Saturday! And on Saturday they'll be sorting out all my details so I can get paid and figure out a proper rota for me! I'm so happy about this, I can't even tell you. I just hope I don't mess it up, but I'm trying to think all positively about this. I'm so happy.

In short: I have a job! Me! Alex! The girl who no-one would hire! Yay!

-A

Poor little poor girl

So I am having some serious money troubles right now. I really don’t want to have to leave university, but that might be one of my only options next term since I have zero money. Especially since no-one will give me a job. And I won’t lie it’s seriously getting me down.

I have handed out dozens of CVs, several job applications and visited my university’s job shop and have heard absolutely nothing back. Now I’m not the world’s most confident person to begin with, so I find it difficult to do the whole job-hunting thing. It’s hard for me to put on the big cheesy grin and act all positive while people are judging me for my lack of job experience. It’s humiliating when people in shops ask me if I have any retail experience and I have to reply that I don’t.

I hate having to turn to my Dad every time I run out of money but the stupid people at Student Finance won’t give me enough money to live on. So from now until January (and probably again after then) I can’t afford to spend a penny on anything other than rent and bills. Not even food, I can’t even afford to eat. How ridiculous is that? On the bright side, I did want to go on a diet I suppose…

With overdraft and a little help from my family I can just about make rent until January, but the problem is the knock on effect. So next term I might be completely skint, hence possibly having to leave university after Christmas. I guess I’ll have to sort something out over Christmas break, and obviously I’ll keep looking for a job, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to figure it out before things get too desperate.

So I am now officially a pauper.

-A

Fireworks 2010

For me, the fireworks were lovely but I haven't felt that lonely in a long time. Both emotionally and physically, and for many reasons. All of which I won't get into here because I don't really want to relive it right now. On a more positive note, it made me realize how much I love my phone because I got some really nice photos, which I include for you here.






I hope for better times next year.

-A